an odd end to a day...

honestly,this has been a very strange day for yours truly... i started this day by having this computer off for most of the day... ever type with three fingers??? i do,and type rather fast,because i have memorized the keyboard... right now,i am listening to Billy Joel,on his limited engagement channel on Sirius XM... i remember his music during high school,and shortly after that time,and i am just relaxing... my last two years of high school,and the time into my 20's were simply miserable for me,because there was not a day during that time that i did not want to die... i fought those feelings with a great deal of music... drove my parents crazy with the nightly music,but honestly,it simply got through the misery of that time... my running of the roads almost every day(ten miles a day,or more)tired me out,so i would spend as little time as possible thinking about my life... the roads around "the Big House" were almost perfect for training... this is odd,because i really have never talked about that time,until now... i spent a total of over twenty years simply surviving,and,in my own way,growing up... i was depressed for about twelve and a half years,and then the real adventure of my entire life,ten years "on the road",the last seven years traveling almost every day,with small breaks of living with friends and relatives... i have traveled over 50,000 miles on my thumb... people may have their own opinions of why i did it that way,but this is my reason:i simply had to grow up,and to remain sane,i had to travel almost every day... one story:my UNC wanted to argue with me over something,was pissed,and just wanted to fight someone... well,this night,i simply refused,and told him that i was going to read some Tom Clancy in my room,and walked away... about two hours later,he knocked on my door and simply said that he was very proud of me,and that i had grown up,and then went to bed... i tell that story not to belittle anyone,but to simply show you how much growth i went through,in that time... people have their opinions of me,and i honestly do not care a whit about what they think,because i have been through so much crud that it does not matter... i have done some things that i simply am ashamed of,during that time,but the major thing is that i survived "my own personal hell",and that is what you have to do,in the end... i have lost friends and other people that i really cared for during that time,but i had to survive,so i had to do what i had to do... my family had no idea why i did what i did,and at that particular time,i really did not care,but honestly i loved them all,but could not explain anything... to them,i deeply apologize,but under the exact circumstances of that time,the same things would happen,with a little difference(would have stayed in touch with them),but nothing would have changed that much... strangely,i am very grateful for that time "on the road",because it taught me more than i can explain to myself,or could ever explain to you... in my own unique way,i really miss it,if you can believe that... simply said,not knowing where i was going to be at night was exciting,because i totally changed my mind almost every day,like starting in Carson City/Reno,one morning,and being in Salt Lake,Denver,Albuquerque,or Las Vegas,that night,or even being a trucker(for four days)going through Nevada,Utah,Idaho,and Wyoming,like a trucking buddy took me on that trip,in 1998... what a trip that was,folks...